Machete

In early 2007 a double bill Grindhouse feature was released comprising of Planet Terror and Death Proof, between the two films was a number of fake trailers in keeping with the grindhouse theme.  From these trailers there was a stand out gem; the Danny Trejo led Machete and so in 2010 it was released as a feature film in its own right.  There are no prizes for guessing which movie I am going to be debating over today.

Directed by Robert Rodriguez Machete is the name of our lead character, a former Mexican cop and now illegal immigrant who is on the well worn path of revenge against a drug lord for the murder of his wife and daughter.  Along the way he gets involved in a complicated political scam after being offered a large sum of money to shoot a local State Senator, this opens a whole entangled can of worms including a secret organization known as the Network who help Mexicans get over the border, an all too enthusiastic Immigration Officer and a crazy mum and daughter porno team.

The thing you have to keep in mind when watching Machete is that it plays on the old exploitation films, this means it's filled with mindless gore, nudity and over the top violence.  The plot is tightly directed for all it's complex points although filled with simple scripting to the point of some cheese-tastic one liners, there's also some comedy provided by the refusal of Machete to operate a mobile phone akin to watching your grandparents trying to send a text message.

He doesn't want guns and glory, Machete wants to hack and slash his way through the enemies with a variety of impressive machetes...  In fact at one point I'm convinced one of them was bordering on sword territory it was that long.  Of course a weapon of this choosing provides a large amount of head decapitating fun and an interesting use of intestines for abseiling. 

This is surprisingly Trejos first lead role, given that he has a habit of popping in quite a few blood splattered films over the years; for example From Dusk Till Dawn, Halloween, The Devil's Rejects and Predators.  This is his role and he owns it with gusto, from the moment he appears on screen it is obvious Rodriguez wrote the character for him (from doing a bit of research it seems it has been a long time in the making).  Whether it's his ridiculously weather worn face or enough body art to make him a walking advert for LA Ink, Trejo embodies everything this character represents.

Lohan's parole officer will be nun to happy with her new habit... 

Machete is completed with an impressive cast; De Niro, who is the person you'd probably least expect appearing in this sort of film, is the State Senate who is about as politically incorrect as they come eventually resorting to a final act of desperation in the form of dressing as Mexican and running around the battle field appropriately like a jumping bean.

Jessica Alba is intentionally over the top, it's all very big and dramatic with her character although she does have a brilliant fight scene resulting in the best use of a metal stiletto heel I've seen in a long time.  Yep she is naked in the shower much to many a mans delight and she wears very tight trousers with ridiculously high heels.  Her other female co-star, Michelle Rodriguez, plays her usual hard ass bitch but it fits with the style of the film and enables her character to make a stylish return, also in tight clothing, towards the final act.

Others worthy of a mention are Lindsay Lohan, blond hair and boobs ahoy!  She annoys the crap out of me but she's passable in this and even has a little dig at herself in a conversation with her on screen father, although seeing her in a nuns outfit may have scarred me for life.  Steven Seagal also appears as the drug lord, I have watched a lot of his straight to DVD films and thankfully I don't feel the need to scratch my eyes out from his performance in this!  You know it's Seagal, he comes pre-packaged with a young oriental girl at his side, wearing some strange kind of robes and has his samurai sword at the ready.

Lets be honest, you're probably not going to watch a film like Machete if you aren't interested in cheesy gore infused violence with plenty of boob (boob counter went into overdrive!)  People who do watch Machete won't be disappointed, it lives up to the expectations set by the trailer and surpasses the Grindhouse double it was originally wedged between.  Must be watched with others of a similar mindset, not those who offend easily, and then it'll be the perfect film night in.